“But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:17 (NASB)
Through everything, I always come back to that brewing I feel in my center, which I consider God’s presence, the holy of holies, and the groaning intercession of the Spirit within.
You see, I doubt quite a lot, and sometimes I lean a bit too much on keeping my mind clear and my life whole and I forget why I am doing all of this. I want to be well, yes, and I want to see humankind open their eyes to their connectedness, and I find this all to be a part of Christ’s gospel, but I also am called to do all things for the glory of God. But time after time I have found that something in me, and I think this is despite me, wants to serve the Lord. I want to surrender to that Light within me.
This Light is not me. I am confident that it is fully God’s. In fact, I know this is Christ because it is good. It saves me daily, it refines me and exposes me before my own eyes, it speaks sharper than my ego, and seeks righteousness when I want to give myself up to convenience and greed.
I feel as if I have stumbled into union with the God of the universe, and I may at times find myself trying to get out of it, or not quite understanding or believing it, but I always trip up and land right in my center and encounter Christ within.
Believe it or not, there is always rest there. A fountain of hope, peace, and life. And even when I am weary and feeling completely scattered or lifeless, I find myself still caught up in this Love. I find myself held together, though not always put together, and I find myself thoroughly embraced, though never unhealthily enabled. And the the truth is, through all my failures and all of my unbelief, I remain unable to deny the power of this Light. This Light is not a concept to me; it is the actual presence of a person, a friend, and my God.