I am charismatic, in the theological sense of the word, so I think it goes without saying that I like speaking in tongues. Somehow this gives me peace and directs my thoughts to God and often I receive revelations as I go off in this mysterious language. Tongues is very much a part of my devotions as well as my daily life. Some of my most powerful spiritual experiences the past year were when I worked at a grocery store and I would mutter in tongues under my breath while putting the produce out.
There are times, though, where I need to not speak in tongues and embrace silence. Silence can be a bit more challenging.
As soon as I start praying in tongues, I find myself feeling lighter and more ‘spiritual’. Yet silence confronts me in my humanity; to reach out for God in this state is difficult. I have all sorts of thoughts flooding in, often completely random—like scenes from horror movies I watched 5-10 years ago or I start thinking about my friend Tori’s dog, Stella. Perhaps that is why this is a discipline I so desperately need. Thank God I’m a Quaker.
I think from time to time I may use tongues to fill up my spirituality quota for the day, and though I may receive revelations from God as I speak in tongues, it may also be my way of drowning out the voice of God. I am sure it edifies my spirit but the truth is my escapist tendencies creep their way it into my life with the Spirit. I am a bit scared that I may pray in known and unknown languages so often in order to avoid silence.
In silence, I direct myself to God and intentionally wait on him, seeking dialogue and guidance. In silence, I put down my ambitions and say, “you do you, God”, and I slowly receive things to intercede about or things to reflect on or verses to dwell on or words to hold on to. Or I just find stillness and peace; a presence that centers me.
In silence, I get frustrated, bored, and annoyed—but also, I grow in patience, finding greater glory in the small things, sensing and experiencing Christ’s presence even more fully. I can really hate this silence thing, but, my God, it is a gift.